


dripping blue

by crescentim



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Depression, Gen, One Shot, Short One Shot, caring ten, depression shower, he makes sure lucas is okay, i wrote this as a vent fic, idrk what tags to use, kinda projected some of my feelings onto my favorite boy, lucas is depressed, sorry lucas, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-07
Updated: 2019-12-07
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:53:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21703285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crescentim/pseuds/crescentim
Summary: lucas always felt cold. numb, even. he liked the heat for a change.so when the other members were gone, off on their own schedules or ones for the company, when there was nobody in the dorms but him, lucas would climb into the shower and stand under hot water until it ran out.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 29





	dripping blue

**Author's Note:**

> i don’t fully remember writing all of this and i barely read over it so my apologies for any mistakes,,
> 
> it’s also a vent fic so it’s a pretty short one shot but i hope it’s somewhat enjoyable

lucas stood under the lukewarm water and watched blue dye circle the drain. 

his hair had just been dyed blue. the stylists told him not to put it under hot water, to only rinse it with cold water, to take care of it so it didn’t fade too quickly. he didn’t think it would fade as he watched dye still drip onto his body. the water that ran off him was still stained.

he had been standing in the shower for a long time. when he had gotten in the water felt like fire lapping at his skin, his back was still bright red from where it had run over him. it was starting to get cold now, even though lucas had turned it to the highest temperature it would go to. he wanted the heat back. he wanted the heat back. the pain. the feeling of _something_.

lucas took a deep and uneven breath, his shoulders shaking involuntarily. he reached out for the shower handle and tried to turn it farther, as if the water would get any hotter despite not being able to be pushed any more.

he closed his eyes as the water got colder. 

ice showers hurt his skin just as much as the heat but they weren’t as satisfying. lucas always felt cold. numb, even. he liked the heat for a change.

so when the other members were gone, off on their own schedules or ones for the company, when there was nobody in the dorms but him, lucas would climb into the shower and stand under hot water until it ran out. nobody else ever seemed to care that much. they would get upset when they realized they would have to wait for the water to heat up again, but they never yelled at or confronted him. 

lucas ran his hands through his hair, pushing water from his face as he did so. he pulled at the ends of his hair before rubbing his hands down his neck, over his shoulders and back over his face. 

he let out a grunt as an emptiness started to eat away at him again. his right hand reached out only to come back and hit his head. another grunt. another hit. a grunt, a hit, a grunt, a hit. the pattern continued until a sob scratched its way out of his throat. 

his hands ran down his face as it contorted. lucas wasn’t able to tell if the water were stinging his eyes or if he were crying. he didn’t care which is was. his shoulders shook as he let out another cry. 

the water kept running over him as he tried to hide his sobs with a hand. it grew colder and colder, slowly beginning to run a lighter shade of blue. the cold water would be good for his hair, even if it weren’t good for him. 

lucas was freezing when he finally sat down in the shower. there was no warmth to be found in the room. his fingers might have been blue from the dye in his hair or from the lack of proper blood flow. it didn’t matter much to him as his ragged breaths filled the air. 

his chest hurt and his stomach felt like it would drop through his toes. his skin ached and his head pounded. his fingers ran through his hair as he tried to stop his crying. 

there had been an emptiness in him for so long now but he couldn’t say anything. he was doing what he had longed to do, what he had told his family and friends he would do since he was young, he was talented and wanted and praised. he had everything he could ask for and more if he ever wanted it. he felt terrible for not feeling like enough. as though he were staring a gifted horse in the mouth and telling it that it needed to be better. there was no reason for him to throw on a mask each day and act like he was okay, so why did he need to?

why was he numb and monotone each and every day? he felt selfish and ungrateful. 

the water ran clear and cold now.

lucas felt like he had fallen into a frozen creek in the middle of december. his teeth chattered together and he found himself rocking when his tears stilled. he hugged his knees to his chest and set his forehead on them, sputtering out the water that tried to pry its way into his mouth. 

he was so cold. 

he didn’t care. 

he was just waiting for someone to get back. for them to knock on the door and say that they wanted to shower before bed. then he would stand up and dry himself off, covering himself before silently walking back to his room with his head down. he would close his door and if he had the energy he wouldn’t fall asleep wearing a wet towel under his covers.

he was just waiting. 

nobody came for a while longer. his eyelids were heavy and his head was in pain. he wondered how bad it would be if he fell asleep under the stream of water. it felt like daggers on his back but at this point he had become numb to any pain.

when a knock finally came on the door, lucas’ eyes were closed and his body felt like it was frozen. 

“lucas?”

he didn’t respond to his name.

the water was soothing. 

there was another knock followed by his name being repeated. he heard the door handle jiggle. it was loose and broken so if it kept being messed with it would eventually unlock itself. 

lucas’ face contorted as the knocks got louder and the handle moved more furiously. his ears pulsed with the noise and his head rang. why wouldn’t they go away?

he heard them say something else as they continued to try the door but he didn’t comprehend it. just a muffled voice under the rest of the noises that bounced around the bathroom. 

he barely opened his eyes when he heard the door quickly scrape against the floor, the hinges squealing in protest. 

“what the fuck?”

shoes clicked against the tile. metal rings scraped a metal rod. the shower curtain was pulled back. the sound of water stopped and so did the numbing feeling on lucas’ back.

then there were warm hands on his shoulders; they nearly burnt. the sound of shoes clicking away from him and then back again. scratchy fabric was placed over his back. it hurt. 

“lucas?”

he hummed a weak response. he was tired, why couldn’t he just go to bed?

he felt hands press down on him over the towel. 

“how long have you been in here?”

he still didn’t say anything, but he opened his eyes as much as he could. he saw ten look back at him with worry all over his face. 

ten sighed when lucas didn’t respond. lucas felt arms wrap around him and heard ten whisper under his breath. he eventually realized he was being helped up. 

his legs felt weak when ten finally managed to get him to his feet. lucas opened his eyes but kept his gaze at their feet. ten wrapped the towel around his waist and lucas slung his arms over his shoulders.

lucas could hear his teeth still chatter and felt the violent shivers dance through him.

ten sounded sad as he commented on it. “how long were you sitting in the cold? weren’t you in the shower before i left?”

lucas managed to say something along the lines of “probably”. ten responded with a worried sigh. 

“i cant believe you,” ten muttered as he pulled back from lucas to help him wobble back to his room. 

it took them a while, even though lucas’ room was just up the hall. his legs were still numb and he was tired. he felt true soft mattress under him after what felt like forever.

a thick sweatshirt was pulled over his head. sweatpants were shoved on his legs. a towel rubbed on his head to dry his hair. he tried to help ten as much as he could, but he just wanted to shut his eyes and curl into a ball. the emptiness in his chest feeling stronger as  
his body began to warm up. 

lucas laid down when he heard ten walk out of his room. he wrapped his arms around himself and stared at the other bed across from his. his breathing became more steady but his body still shook every few seconds. he closed his eyes shut and felt an ease wash over him. 

as he drifted in and out of falling asleep he felt a heated blanket placed on top of him, and then the added weight of his comforter. he remembered mumbling a thanks. he remembered ten’s warm fingers brushed across his eyebrow and through his hair. he remembered ten’s soft palm on his cheek.

he didn’t remember ten whispering that he was worried about him. he didn’t remember ten’s gentle crying as he pat lucas’ hair down. 

but he didn’t need to remember. 

he thought he had everyone fooled. 

so lucas fell asleep with a warm hand on his face and an emptiness ruthlessly gnawing at his soul.


End file.
